Thursday, April 3, 2014

Come Closer Please

I was sitting at my desk yesterday, pretending I was working but really I was trying to think of topics for the rest of this month's A to Z blogging challenge.

Closer: as in my friendships with people.

I have a wonderful close-mouthed friend who gave me some advice I have heeded over the last couple of years which has served me well. Perhaps it will for you, too.

In order to have meaningful relationships with people,
the friendship must be developed.

Now, I am formerly the kind of person who meets someone and will open my arms and invite them into my world, no questions asked. When the crap hits the fan and I'm left standing there with a stinky crap bag, wondering what happened and resentful as hell, I have a part in that. 

My good friend gave me a visual that I'd like to share with you in hopes that if you have experienced the same trouble with relationships, you'll give this a try and see what happens.
A = acquaintance
B = better ... I'm getting know you better
C = I'm going to ask you to move in closer now

The time it takes to move from A to C is important. My friend suggested to give it at least a year. Seems like a long time but trust me when I tell you I have tried this method and it works.

Some suggestions for getting to know someone at the acquaintance level are meeting for coffee, enjoy a movie together, go thrift shopping, or send a card if you are developing a long distance friendship.

I'll leave my suggestions at that because this could turn into a post that is far too long to hold any one's attention. If you are reading this and you are in my A, B, C's, please know that I care about you and want to keep you.

How do you develop your friendships?  Leave me a comment. I'd love to hear from you!

love, susan



  1. Wow, what a great visualization, and it makes so much sense. Some people I will deveop a friendship like that but I tend to hold onto B for a long tome before let people move in to C. Yes, I said let. With some people I've felt and immediate rush to C and have been lucky enough to have not had any regrets, but those are rare occurrences. Great post!

  2. True words Susan. True words. I've gone through friendships in my life to where, while I once was "people never cease to amaze me," I'm now at "nothing surprises me anymore." It's a very delicate dance, friendship. That tool is mighty helpful! Good stuff to ponder...

  3. Your friend gave you great advice-- thanks for sharing it! I develop deep friendships slowly. I have a lot of people in the A arena. I have a few who belong with the Bs and even fewer in the C spot. Great post!

  4. This makes a lot of sense, good advice - I like it. I also have been hurt and disappointed when the process goes too fast. Now I really take my time. I have very few people in the "C" zone, and I like it like that.

  5. Great advice. It takes a while too for me to develop friendships. Sometimes it takes years. One of my closest friends, I knew her from work and we used to sit across from each other in the newsroom. So we were able to get to know each other through stressful conditions ( through deadlines, news stories not happening properly, editor not happy with final product etc). So we'd sometimes take a coffee break together, or even escape to the nearest sushi bar to celebrate or commiserate. So one day Baby, who was around 10 years old, says, "so when am I going to meet C?"
    Me I don't know. I'm not even sure I want to invite her into my home.
    Baby: I thought she was your friend?
    Me: Not yet. we're just friendly.
    Baby: It's been more than 18 months since you met her and you see her everyday!!! You're way beyond friendly!
    And you know, the wait was worth it. By the time I brought her closer, I knew who I was bringing closer, good and bad.

  6. Oh interesting way to look at it. And definitely think it's good advice. I've done like you in the past as well with just opening your arms and jumping right in and yeah it can totally leave you hanging which is so frustrating and hurtful! I like the time frame you have set out too. Something that would be good for romances as well!

    Happy A to Z-ing!
    herding cats & burning soup.

  7. This is good advice. I have to admit, though, that I have a bad habit of keeping people at A or B. It's very hard for anyone to get into the C ring. Look forward to seeing your other posts this month.

    Chatter From the Mongoose Den

  8. I like that advice and now that I look back on it, I think I've used some in developing friendships. We have moved around a lot and it takes me a bit of time to get into the swing of wanting new friends where we live, but I do cultivate acquaintance and then move down the line to a closer friendship (and then we usually end up moving :)


  9. That's great advice. As I get older, I feel less of a need to have too many people in the "C" category. The only people who start fitting into that category are those who I feel are on the same path as I am.


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