Just One More

In a couple of days, it will be one year since the mother of my hubby's girls died. She left us on Mother's Day. For me, it was one of those experiences that I won't forget. Bittersweet. Heavy on the bitter. Sweet on the sweet. I think of her often and after writing to my stepdaughter this morning, I feel the need to write here.

 

Regrets are a funny thing. It sometimes takes me a while to figure out what my regrets are. Today I am regretting I didn't get know her just a little better. I knew a few things about her. She loved everything Elvis. She loved her cats. She loved politics. She loved to needle my hubs when we'd get together for family holidays. He was always a good sport about it but it was slightly uncomfortable for me. The things that drove her crazy about him are the same things that drive me crazy. I  can't help but laugh about that.

 

The sweet was that the Christmas before she died, I had gone out to the car with her to bring something into the house and we had a chance to have a few minutes alone. She asked me to watch over her family and I promised I would. She was the kind of woman I strive to be. The sweet came in her last 24 hours on earth when I was able to be there to help wash her body before she would slip into the arms of death. It had been a very hard week getting to death. Her last day was the very worst, not what we expected. The sweet came when I saw people show up to honor her life the following weekend. We laughed, we cried, we hugged. She would have loved that.

 

Just one more hug. Just one more time to hear her infectious laugh. That's what I'd wish for. I think of her often and hope she knew how much she was loved.

 

Today I will try to hug a little longer. Listen a little better. Slow down just a titch. That regret that I didn't know her better? I'll try a little harder with those around me. It's all I can do.

 

love, susan