I do a lot of thinking when I'm sitting my at desk working. Lately I've been jotting things down on a little notepad so I can move it from my head to paper, trying to form a little more space for other things.
The other day when a co-worker announced she and her husband will be traveling to China to pick up their new baby in 8 weeks, I told her a brief version of how my sister and I came to be adopted. She asked if I remembered being adopted and since I was only 18 months old, the answer is no.
However, some years ago when I was working for an attorney who represented the Dept of Health and Social Service with the Dept. of Law, I read a study about the effects of moving children from home to home in their early years. While very small children can't say the words to express what happens to them when they are taken from one situation to another, I don't think anyone could doubt that it effects them. I am living proof.
I never can say goodbye. Hey, did you just think about Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 singing that song right now? It has been my theme song my whole life!
I can remember back to about age 5 or 6. My folks would take us over to see my favorite grandma for the weekend. I loved her so much that even now there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. When we visited, there was nothing more important to her than paying attention to my sister and me. She was love with skin.
On Sunday afternoon, about an hour before I knew we had to pack up the car and head back to Roseburg, I would go missing. I hated saying goodbye and my emotions would just overwhelm me and I was embarrassed to have my family see me crying. I could not turn it off.
I am still that way today, although I am not quite so embarrassed by it. Do I have abandonment issues? You bet I do. I wish I could keep all the people I love in one place so I never have to say goodbye. But since that's not possible, it's the best I can do to pick up the phone and call or write a letter.
In closing, I never say goodbye. See you again soon .....