♥️Resist was my watch word for 2018. It served me well for the most part. It has been a different year. I started seriously thinking about taking my retirement from the State of Alaska last year. I have the paperwork in hand and getting ready to send it in soon for a retirement date of early June. I'm not sure I'm ready for full retirement but I know, for certain, I am ready to work a lot less. I am tired. I recently listened to a podcast of some young people who took a sabbatical which included going off social media and truly not working for a year. I have taken a summer off but never an entire year. I know I have enough to stay busy but, honestly, that isn't what nags me. I've always been a wage earner from about age 14. I was raised to pay my own way, and I thank my parents for that. It isn't that we don't have enough to live on that keeps me up at night, it is that deeply ingrained training that I am wage earner. It's a hard concept to overcome. If I'm not earning a wage, what is my worth? And, at age 60, will I ever be employable again if I decide I hate not working? If you are not in my age bracket, you will be some day. These are things you'll have to think about. So, for the remaining 10 days of this year, I shall try to resist future tripping. ♥️I have resisted drama. The specifics I'll leave to my personal journal but let me say here that it is a growth thing for me to put my virtual hand up and say, not my circus. This does not come easy to me and it has left me feeling a bit cold-hearted at times. I walk a fine line between being a very good listener, an emotional sponge, and someone who just has to walk away sometimes for my own mental health. If you are reading this and I have walked away from you, please know it was more about me than you. My dance card is full. ♥️I have resisted my ego. I was promoted early in 2018 to a job that I was less happy doing. I got honest and asked to go back to the job I had loved for many years. It was a good move for me (thank god for Unions!), a good move for my office. ♥️I have resisted being a volcano. I have personal struggles that I wake up with every day. Some days are easier than others to maintain an even keel. Thankfully, I have closed mouth friends who allow me to vomit when I need to, which likely has saved my life from blowing up. Everyone should have friends like mine. They are pure gold. ♥️What I have not resisted well is sugar. I went off the tracks back in July on a vacation trip and I have struggled since then. I have gained back 15 lbs. of the 35 I lost and I am so uncomfortable in my skin right now.
EMBRACE
My 2019 watch word came to me a couple of weeks ago while I was putting my pajamas on at about 5:30pm, right after I arrived home from work but before I cooked dinner. I couldn't wait to scarf whatever it was I cooked and trudge up the stairs to my pillow. I've been in this pattern every winter for the last 10 years. In the past, I have beat myself up endlessly for just wanting to pull the cover over my head and say wake me when it's spring. It occurred to me that I really should stop beating myself up for a disorder I have very little control over, and ♥️embrace♥️ it. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a fact of life for me. Bears don't beat themselves up for being bears and doing what bears do in the winter ... hibernate. Why should I? The moment I had this thought, I felt free.
I am also going to ♥️embrace♥️ insomnia, black coffee, my hubby, gray skies, slowing down, feeling like a ship with a loose sail, and the fact that two of my three dogs are in the end stage of their lives. I am going to try to embrace feeling uncomfortable for awhile and really listen to others' struggles and solutions for that. I am going to embrace what was, what is, and what will might be. I'll try to be graceful and thoughtful in my words and actions.
How about you? Did you have a watch word for 2018? Will you have one for 2019? Tell me about it!
♥️love, susan
I like your 2019 watch word. And embracing things like insomnia are much easier when you don't have to get up early. I've only recently learned to embrace it instead of analyzing it to death. "What's on my mind? Why can't I sleep? What did I eat that caused this?" Instead, I don't make morning appointments and if I can't sleep in, I drink my coffee, pet my dog, get on FB and when I wander back to the bedroom and that lovely bed has its blankety arms open, I just lay back down without any guilt whatsoever. Happy New Year to you.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year to you, too, Pat!
Delete