Monday, May 29, 2017

I Am Dixie

Dixie is her name. My friends found her wandering up their busy street about 10 days ago. Apparently her people are not looking too hard for her. She is in foster care now and the group I'm doing photos for will find the best possible home for her. That's what they do.
I'm a bit like Dixie. I wasn't found wandering the streets but my fate was definitely in the hands of kind people early in my life. Perhaps this is why rescuing dogs is important to me. They don't get a choice. They are at the mercy of those who find them and it is up to us to keep them in our network until we know it is safe to let them go.

Today is my 58th birthday, or as someone at work  fondly said, 29 the second the time around.  I like that. I am closer to 60 than 50. Letting that sink in ... just saying it out loud makes me laugh.
Back to mercy.
I was born to a woman who suffered schizophrenia. She had been hospitalized after having three children before me and several psychotic breaks. Once she was institutionalized, she never set foot outside of hospitals and group homes. I met her when I was about 35, and again one more time before she died.
Dixie may never see her people again. I look into her eyes and I think who are you, where are your people, and how can I best serve you?
Scattered thoughts today. In my early years, my birth date was a source of pain. Not because I ever felt abandoned. I never felt that way, not even once. I felt deep sorrow for the woman who delivered me into this world. I wondered if she felt the loss when my birthday rolled around. It wasn't until I met her that I knew for sure that she didn't. The brain disorder and the shitty medication available for the chronically mentally ill didn't allow for that. I find there is a little mercy in that.
Fast forward to today.
I love celebrating my birthday with other people. Today I'm sharing my birthday with a friend's son who is 12. We're going to BBQ and play at the park. I won't be thinking about those sad birthdays I used to have. I'll be thinking about my friends and their kids and how life has a funny way of coming full circle.
I hope Dixie finds people who will love her and keep her like those who found me, past and present.
love, susan


  1. Oh, this made my heart ache and my lips smile! Happy birthday, Dixie 2... :)

    1. Thanks for dropping in and commenting, Valerie. So glad to know you!

  2. Sorry I missed your birthday. Sounds like you have found a way to turn a sad memory into a better one!


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