Lessons I Learned from a Beagle

Hercules went on to the Rainbow Bridge last week.  I didn't know he was even sick but something happened in his system and the vets tried to save him and he just didn't make it.

 

I saw him about 3 weeks ago when our good friends invited us over for fondue. Hercy (as he was fondly known) let me love on him and was in good spirits, so it was a big shock to hear he left us so quickly.

 

I know my friends are hurting. I received a text several days after he was gone, asking if I had any good photos of him. I didn't know why they were asking. My heart sank because I had just done a huge delete on my computer due to the glut of photos I keep. I was on overload. Luckily, these photos were hidden away in a folder I hadn't dumped yet. This has caused me to take paws and give much more thought to how I preserve my takes.

 

Hercules taught me something very valuable that I want to share.

 

My friends and I have done some trading of house/dog sitting. I met Hercules when they went on an Alaskan cruise for a week. He had a thing going on with his paw that was causing him some pain. He had run a course of antibiotics and the pain had returned while I was dog sitting. He was very verbal and I had a fear that he was going to bite me. My friends assured me he wouldn't and I worked through it with him and learned to comfort him even though he was grumbling. The next time I saw him, he was less grumbly and a couple weeks ago, I don't believe he grumbled even once. People can be that way. Grumbly. Read: I haven't felt my best for about two weeks and have hardly had a nice thing to say.

 

What Hercy taught me is that fear is something to be worked through. I had to trust that he wasn't going to bite me when he was telling me he was hurting. I think that's the way it is with people. That's a hard thing to work through sometimes. I am a runner. I don't like conflict. You growl at me and I just want to get far away from that. I don't want to stick around to find out what that's all about.

 

I also learned to count dogs when I first met Hercy. Our friends had only 3 dogs for quite awhile but due to some circumstances, they took Hercy in and made it an even 4. I would drive to their house at noon to let them out and give them love. The first day of that, I got in the car to go back to work and my OCD kicked in. I couldn't remember if all of them were back in the house. It was then that I started counting dogs. I do it now at my own house because I have a straggler who likes to hide back in the corner of our lot, sniffing the ground and taking her sweet time. It's easy to forget she is outdoors if I don't count.

 

All the dogs in my life had taught me valuable lessons. My heart hurts for my friends and I know it will take a long time to adjust. I'll think of him when I am grumbly or I meet people who are grumbly and try to take the lesson I learned from him. And, I'll keep a good count.

 

Be patient. Recognize. Work through it. Don't run. Count.  And, save your photos!

 

love, susan

 

 

Putting the Lost in Lost Creek

Camping isn't what it used to be for us. The older Gene and I get, the harder it is for us to keep our shit together. Between to two of us, we bumbled through this camping weekend. I was mostly pissed off the entire weekend. I'm not proud of that. Just here to admit it. While I love the fresh air, camp food, and the nice walks, I dislike packing for it and the stress of wondering if we have everything to go off the grid for two days. The thought of leaving behind the lighter for the stove keeps me awake at night. No coffee would have been the end of the world for me. 

 

This trip started off badly when we got down the road and he said, "did you happen to look in the duffle bag to make sure the tent was in there?" Honestly. Nope. I did not. Not my job. If that tent had not been there, I vowed this would be the last camping trip I take. That's how it started.  DIRECTIONS I did print directions to our destination. Or, as it turned out, what I thought was our destination. You see, this annual trek we normally take to the beach but we decided to try something different and head towards Mt. Hood. Reservations were made by someone else in our party but in my mind I thought we were heading to a lake. Lost Lake. Turns out there is a Lost Lake and a Lost Creek. After a very long, windy sojourn to Lost Lake and discovering we were not on the reservation list, I pulled out my now mostly useless phone and looked at the snapshot I took of my last conversation (thank goodness I did that!) with our daughter and said out loud, "oh, this says Lost Creek". We were on the wrong side of the blankety blank-blank mountain. Not funny at the moment but hubby assured me we would laugh about it later. Two hours later, we did. THE UPSIDE ... and I believe there is almost always an upside to everything ...  we passed a Ranger Station and stopped in to make sure we were finally on the right path. While there, hubby was able to buy an America the Beautiful Pass (formerly Golden Age Pass) in less than 2 minutes. We had been wanting to get one but it would require a trip to Umatilla, Oregon to get it and it just never seemed to fit our schedule. When we got back in the car, he sweetly looked at me and said, "this is why we went the wrong way. We were supposed to do this." You know what? I'm totally okay with that explanation. The stress of losing two hours instantly melted away and everything was okay. THE GOOD PART The rest of the weekend was filled with laughter, a few tears, more laughter, stories, Cards Against Humanity (which always brings me to uncontrollable laughter), good food, spawning salmon, a hike, and hugs. THE REALLY GOOD PART This trip is the last one before our oldest grandson heads off to college next week. His excitement is our joy. Our granddaughter talked about being on the dance team and what that means to her ... three hours of daily practice. Can you imagine? That's tenacity for you. The youngest grandson, whose voice is changing but who still gives his grandma a hug, was genuinely happy when he took the lid off the fruit bowl to find the oranges I cut up especially for him. That made me happy. We're proud of these kids and who they are becoming. CONFESSION I'll admit right here and now, I was very bitchy the entire 48 hours. I'm not good at flying by the seat of our pants any longer. I don't know when that switch happened but I need more structure than I used to. I'm going to think about that for awhile. In the meantime, I'll also keep the good things that happened over the weekend in the forefront of my mind. Some healing happened. I'm pretty sure of that.

 

love, susan



 



Nature's flower pot!



The only purple flower I saw all weekend.







9 Things I'd Rather Be Doing Today

Having just come back from the coast, I could name about a thousand things I'd rather be doing today. But in all honesty, on any given day, I'm often thinking about what I'd rather be doing than the task at hand. I've always suffered (if that's the right word) a low level of restlessness and discontent even when I'm doing the things I love.

 

Ever since I got home from the beach on Sunday night, I've been thinking about the cousin I reconnected with over the weekend. She is a little bit older than me and we spent a small amount of time together when we were very young. I spent most of Saturday parked in my chair next to her, learning about her life and what she does to stay busy these days. Although I think what people do to make a living can be interesting, I find myself wanting to know about the here and now. What do you do now that makes you want to rise up and get dressed in the morning? I asked those questions and was fascinated by her answers.

 

The things that make me want to get up in the morning are simple. Things I'd rather do today are ...

 

Walk my dogs a little farther. Work in the dirt. Write a letter. Make a journal entry. Take a photo. Read a whole book in one sitting. Cook a fabulous lunch for my hubby. Pull some weeds. Visit the library. Call a friend. The list could go on.

 

I do all these things but it seems there is limited time. The most frustrating part of living, for me, is having all these things I'd like to do and so little time. Now, it's time to close this entry and go to work.

 

What would you rather be doing today?

 

love, susan

Photography: The Process (Dedicated to My Friend, Barb Black)

I have taken tens of thousands of photos in my lifetime. Photography has never grown old for me. Sometimes I'll take extended vacations from it. Those breaks always bring with it a fleeting thought that maybe my weekend hobby has come to an end but that's a voice I've learned to ignore. The pattern interrupt is necessary for rejuvenating. In those times, I do something else. I read. I write. I cook. I take a road trip and leave the camera home. 

 

Photo documenting life has been in my blood since high school when I was on the yearbook committee. They used one of my photos in my graduating class book. I'm not sure I even have that yearbook any longer but I remember well the image of my hometown (Haines, Alaska) from a distance across the inlet. The skies were blue and it was a perfect picture, in my mind. I have a few photos from those days and all the days since then. Now with digital photography, I have to make an effort to get my favorites printed to go in the heap with the others. I use a lot of my prints to make greeting cards in hopes that my work will sit on your counter for longer than a minute before it gets thrown in the trash. Maybe you'll even frame it. That is the best compliment a photographer can receive.

The longer I stay with this craft, the more I learn about it and myself. This last couple of years has been a growing experience for me. Mostly for being brave enough to ask people to sit for me so I can practice my skills. I've met new people and pushed myself past fear. Picture making has given me way more than I've given it.
 

THE ZONE
You see, when I'm in the zone with my photography, I am never happier. With digital photography, I'm always 20 minutes away from that great moment when I open up my image files to see what I've captured. I imagine ... no ... I know it's like deep sea fishing where you've set your hook into a big fat lunker on the bottom of the ocean and you work hard to bring up your catch and that moment you see how big it is when it reaches the surface ... that's what it's like to open files after a shoot. Or, for you non-fisher people, it's like opening a beautiful, unexpected gift that you've always wanted. My husband humors me when I yell for him to come "LOOK WHAT I GOT!!!!!!"

 

Often I get great surprises. I've come to rely on them, actually. I am always nervous when I go out on a planned shoot. This last two years, I have said yes to anyone who asked me to do a session. This has included two weddings, two newborns, and countless friends of friends wanting family photos. The weddings: I only said yes because my friends had a zero budget for a photographer and as it happens, that's exactly what I charge. No expectations. No disappointments. Well, not yet that I know of. I don't want to take the fun out of it. I don't work any less than I would if I were paid. I take each project seriously. I don't know how wedding photographers manage the stress.

 

THE PROCESS
I wish I could tell you how I feel when I am in the process of making images. It is a process. The excitement starts when I get the idea for what I'm going to shoot next or make a date with a friend or total stranger for a shoot. I've had to go outside of my comfort zone to do this. Nothing is ever gained by sitting on the sidelines. Once I've made a date with someone, I start thinking about all the details like time, light, location. I always confirm my dates and am only mildly disappointed when a shoot gets canceled. Of course, I can use that time for something else but having somebody new to photograph is such a treat. Shoots typically last only 15 to 20 minutes. The real time is in the editing.

EDITING
Over the last two years, I've learned to delete a lot of photos that are not desirable. This is really hard for me and it takes discipline. On an average shoot, I come home with about 200 images. I delete the obviously bad ones. Even then, deleting is what I find the hardest about the process. Over the years, I've learned more and more about editing and I can go back and tweak old photos that I formally thought were useless. Blurry photos get deleted. Photos where mama looks bad get deleted. I read once that it is the woman in the crowd whom a photographer must please. There is a lot of truth to that. Still ... once you hit the delete button there is no turning back. I feel invested in the work I've done so you can imagine it is hard to dump it.

CONNECTION
Some photos, like the ones I am posting here, have a ton of sentimental value to me. I forget a lot of things on a daily basis but I never rarely forget details of my favorite photos. They're like children to me. Let me explain.



This photo was taken at my second wedding shoot. I was invited to come out for the rehearsal and I have to tell you this is right up there as one of my top 10 favorite photos EVER! Our friend, Brent, is so smitten with his wife and this photo shows a side of him I had not seen before. I had never met her before this evening and I found her to be warm and loving. You can tell she is both of those things in this photo. I must mention they both have a great sense of humor. And, doesn't that look like Bill Engvall behind them? That was the preacher. I smile every time I run across this in my albums.

  

This is an image I shot at a pet adoption day. It is as candid as a long lens will allow me to be. The look on this puppy's face says it all. Won't you be my forever person? It kills me every time I come across it. I think this guy and his wife adopted this baby. At least, that's the story I tell myself. I don't know that for sure. This one really gets me in the feels. 

 



This is my photo walking buddy. We have spent many Sundays walking places to find something to shoot. The remarkable thing about this image is this was taken several months after she survived Guillian Barre syndrome. That she was walking on a narrow pathway was a miracle. I fought back tears as I lifted my camera to capture this. She wasn't sure she was going to live through that episode of her life, much less be back on her feet again. We don't really talk about it. We've got pictures left to take and we're grateful for the time we both have left to spend together finding new things to shoot. I love this woman. 

 





I love this simple photo because it marks a great weekend I spent with two high school girlfriends over in Montana. Brenda has a beautiful garden and it was fun to capture the colors and here I loved the water dripping from these freshly cleaned carrots. Gardening is as much a passion for her as photography is for me. It was one of the best weekends I've spent with good friends in a long time.

 

 



Anyone who knows me knows I love dogs. These beauties belong to an acquaintance who invited us out to the country to see his new house. I love the action in this photo. There were other dogs there that night and it felt a little like what I imagine dog heaven to be, a place where dogs can run free.

 

 

 

So, I wonder.

 

I wonder what your passion is? How does it make you feel when you are participating in your life, doing the things you love to do? Do you have a "process"?  Do you get "in the zone" and what is that like? Is there a fear factor?

 

Tell me. I want to know!

 

love, susan

 

Be a Spreader of Joy

Rain in July. That's what we woke up to this morning. It is fitting for the kind of week it has been in America.

 

Shootings everywhere.

 

I can't wrap my mind around such hatred. It's not where my heart lives.

 

This morning, instead of walking in the rain I watched the news. I should have walked.

 

So many questions. I think I know the answer.

 

Just love.

 

Today, I'm going to listen to people a little better. I'm going to hug a little longer. I'm going to be a spreader of joy.

 

Yes, it's fitting that it is raining in the desert in July. It doesn't seem right that the sun would shine today.

 

love, susan



Monday Morning Musings

My newest co-worker at my job asked me last week how often I post to my blog. When I first started blogging, I  posted every day. It seems like I had a lot more to say in 2010. As of today, I have 651 published blog posts. I told her that I try to write when I have something to say. Seems lately I haven't had much to say but her question led me to a discussion about how creativity never dies. It lays dormant. Creativity is a muscle that must be exercised.

It isn't that I don't have much to say, trust me on that. It is an election year for criminy sakes.

You wanna know what's been on my mind lately?

Retirement.

Doing something besides clocking in 40 hours a week is all I have been thinking about since a year ago when my lifelong friend (you know who you are) retired.

Don't get me wrong, please. I love love LOVE the job I go to every day. It is like no other place and my work days fly by. I get to interact with the most interesting people and no two days are alike. I'm continually amused by members of the public and wish I could write about it.

Some things I see on a daily basis are so sad that I just have to leave it there when I shut the door behind me at 5:00pm. Some things are funny. Some things are stupid. Some things are just downright precious.

One day a darling little boy was in our lobby where we keep children's books for their entertainment. He looked at my co-worker and said, "you know what make this place better?  Snacks!"  Or, something to that effect.

For now, I'll keep rising and getting myself to that place where we help people get to better lives. I'm glad to be a part of that. I'm torn between helping others have a better life and making sure I make the best of my own.

love, susan

 

I Can't Kill Skunks

I had a great weekend full of adventures. It rained on Saturday but my good buddy and I braved the cold weather and went to capture some great shots. These are not the ones we got on Saturday. I blew my wad by putting them out on FB. I kind of hate repeating myself so I'm placing these here for those of you who don't follow me on FB.  After our morning shoot, I took my friend to her place in the country. Seems she caught a skunk in her live trap. She invited me to stay and help her bring it to its demise. I wanted no part of skunk killing and all she saw was my tail lights. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I'm not into killing anything ... hardly even an ant. I did get a look at the littler feller and he was stinkin' cute! I decided right then and there that I am not cut out to be a country girl. But I like to go to the country for photos. Please enjoy my depiction of a great weekend. love, susan  

Summer Beginnings

Summer seems to be getting off to a great start. We went to Live at 5 in the little town where we live. See that beautiful stage? The city just finished it this spring and they could have not built anything more important to outdoor lovers. The weather around here can be fickle so Thursday night music in the park can go from beautiful to windy to rainy to beautiful in a matter of 3 hours. They positioned the stage so that bands won't sweat to death while playing. Last night was a perfect venue for Voodoo Alley. We've never heard them before but they played a wide variety of genres including a great Nirvana tune along with "Kiss" by Prince. It did my heart good to be relaxing with friends after a long day at work.

 

I've got plans for a picnic and a photo walk this weekend. My summer calendar is filling up fast but I love it! What are you doing this weekend and the rest of the summer? Whatever it is, I hope you get outdoors and get some fresh air. It's better than sugar.  love, susan

My Birthday Blog

Today is my 57th birthday. I'm as happy as a clam at high tide to be alive and well.

I decided to post pictures of myself over the last couple of years so I have a place to come back to look at my happy face when I have one those rare dark days. I'd love to tell you why I have gray days but it will take a book to tell it all.  It's coming ... the book.

Most people don't know I am adopted. It isn't that I hide that fact, it's just that it doesn't really come up in conversation. Last week, for some reason it did come up in conversation and I shared a tiny bit of my story with someone. It dawned on me that a lot of it (my life story) I have not yet written down. I need to get to it before another year goes by that steals my memory.

These photos are from the last 14 years (except the 3D glasses pic) of my very happy life. I typically am on the other side of a camera but as I was looking through my images I noted every single photo of me is a happy one. That's a great chapter in my story right there.
 

I haven't always been this way. I'm very much like the Skin Horse in the Velveteen Rabbit.

 

“Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.' 

 

 'Does it hurt?' asked the Rabbit.

 

'Sometimes,' said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. 'When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.'

 

'Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,' he asked, 'or bit by bit?'

 

'It doesn't happen all at once,' said the Skin Horse. 'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.” 

                                                    Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit

Penpal Musings

 

 

I received a letter from a very good pen pal yesterday. She wondered by I haven't blogged all winter. It was a legitimate question that I didn't really know the answer to until I sat down to write back this morning. Only she will know the true answer to it when she receives my very personal letter.

I have this unwritten rule (in my head) someone in my past said to me about returning a letter ... something about two weeks. I know if I let my pen pal's letter sit too long on my desk, I'll be past the two week mark and then self-induced guilt sets in and things go downhill from there. After that, I'm never sure if it's my turn to write or theirs. It's a vicious cycle and in the end it doesn't matter whose turn it is to write, we just write. I love that about my pen pals! I won't spoil the contents of my letter today because I know my pen pal will read this blog post. That's how I met her many moons again. Through blogging.

 

But, that's not what this post is about.

 

Road tripping with my dad. It came up while I was writing this morning and I have to get it out. My writer friend mentioned she recently took a trip with her son across the U.S. while helping him move from coast to coast. Not many of us get a chance to do that one-on-one trip with immediate family but when we do, it's special. I got to do that with my dad about 14 years ago. I may have written about it before but can't find it in my blog posts. Here it is in my May 2016 remembrance of it ....

Mom had died suddenly that spring while snowbirding in Arizona. We buried her in Oregon and then made plans to travel back to Alaska for the summer. Before my mom died, I was at the lowest point in my life and now my dad shared that feeling. We were a couple of sad sacks trying to figure out what to do next in life. Might as well take it on the road and see what happens. We left Arizona in early May, heading to Anchorage faster than he wanted to roll because I wanted to get there for a big dog show. Looking back, I regret rushing him on that trip. Still, it took what seemed like forever to get there although it was probably only ten days.

I learned a lot about my dad and myself. I remember thinking how lucky I was to be taking this road trip of a lifetime with dad. I hadn't had his undivided attention in a long time and we were stuck-like-chuck in that RV together for 3,628 miles. I learned how to drive a motorhome and although it was scary as hell, I pushed through the fear and enjoyed driving. We stopped often to take a coffee break, make a sandwich, and if there was a casino anywhere nearby those stops were a bit longer than a cup of coffee.

The details of that trip escaped me but three four five things have stayed with me that I'm not sure I've ever written about. If I have, forgive me.

One time when we stopped for a coffee break, I opened the upper cupboard door and a coffee cup fell out and hit me square on the noggin. I was immediately as pissed off as an angry mama bear and he laughed at me. Then I cried. He kindly explained that when you are in a moving vehicle like this, things readjust. From that point forward, I took care when I opened any doors in that deathtrap. I learned how to drink and love instant coffee on that trip. To this day, I can't look at a jar of instant go juice without thinking of that incident. Thanks for that, dad.

Another valuable lesson I learned on that trip is that it is possible to bath and wash my hair with a gallon of water. While it is true that one can hook up at an RV park and have access to unlimited amounts of electricity and water, that's not always how we rolled. There is only so much water for bathing and other bodily functions, not to mention you need enough for coffee drinkers like us. To this day, I am a proud proponent for water saving measures because of that experience. This came in handy when our hot water tank died a couple years ago and it took my hubby much longer than I thought it should to get a new one installed. I am resourceful and found a 5 gallon bucket to use for bathing until I couldn't do it any longer. Many have not seen that side of me that goes postal. Shit gets taken care of when I do ... go postal, that is.

I'm not all that tough it turns out. Neither is my dad. We got about a few miles before arriving to his homestead and neither of us could fight back the tears. We were arriving home to Alaska and she wasn't with us, in body. In spirit, yes. The entire trip I couldn't help but think that mom should have been sitting in that passenger chair with Ginger (the dog she left behind) on her lap. We hadn't talked about mom the entire trip. A lot of stuff was left unspoken. That coffee cup falling my head? That wouldn't have happened to her. She knew how to travel. And, now I knew how to travel.

Things happen the way they are supposed to or at least, that's what they say. Whoever they is.

So, thanks pen pal ... for writing to me. I needed to remember this and your letter was just the right catalyst.

love, susan

P.S.  I'm going to meet my pen pal blogging friend in-person this summer when she travels near where I live. I am looking forward to that!
 



Momentum

The last two weeks I've been running hard and having a good time but not doing much writing about it. I've been to this place in my life before and I regret when I don't record what's happening. I forget way more than I remember. 

 

We attended a little graduation party for a good friend of ours who finished up his bachelor's in nursing. He is leaving for Japan for a two week vacation and then he's going to try some travel nursing. What an adventure. The party was great because we had a couple of good mutual friends to visit with and we held each other's undivided attention. Rare these days.

 

Wednesday, three of my newest co-workers and I traveled to Lake Chelan for a spring training. I'd have a hard time writing about my favorite moments but getting to know my co-workers better was high on the list. The training was a bit depressing at different parts of the day as it dealt with victims/survivors of crime. My biggest take-away as I write this is that I gained a better empathy for people.

 

Yesterday, I took a road trip to Spokane with my favorite photo walking buddy. She had not been there since 1988 and we had a ball. We packed a picnic lunch and after visiting the Japanese Garden pictured here, we sat in the shade to eat. Next, we visited Trader Joe's. She loved it and I see another trip to the valley in our future. 

 

Getting ready for another week of work and then we're off again to Michigan to see our kids. I'm a bit tired from running so hard but I'm hoping to catch my breath this week, take it easy and get ready for the next adventure.

 

Is your life gaining momentum for summer?

 

love, susan