Sunday Anxiety Disorder

 

 

I haven't had it in a while but today I'm suffering from my own made-up anxiety disorder. Perhaps you have it, too.   You wake up in the morning and everything seems okay. You get the coffee going and you know you've got a few chores to do that will eat some time. The skies are a gray that cannot be described and everything is dead. The trees look dead. The grass looks dead. Even people at the store look half-dead. Your world is void of color.

 

You get home from the store and make a fabulous breakfast for the hubby and stick a frozen peach pie in the oven because you know it will make the house warm and the peach color will do you good. The dishes are done and you still have chores left to do but then it hits you ... it's noon already and there are only so many hours left in this little two-day mini vacation that most call the weekend. 

 

As much as I try to stay on the positive side of life, this anxiety hits me occasionally and although I've found ways to cope with it, they are not working very well today, so I write.  And, I take more dumb pictures of the fruit bowl. And, I try to relax and enjoy what's left of the day.

 

I say it out loud to my hubby, who has been retired since shortly after we met. He knows exactly what I'm talking about and it helps ease the un-ease in the pit of my stomach. I am not alone. Other people suffer from weekend anxiety.

 

Last weekend, I finished up a book, one of many stragglers that I had started reading long ago and left unfinished. There on page 234 of Walking Home,  Lynn Schooler (most excellent author!) writes, "Again there was an odd moment of clarity in my senses, a surge of calm that made note of a single sandpiper running on toothpick legs along the edge of the surf, its head bobbing as it needled the sand. A raven called kla-hook from the trees. It is a hard thing to describe, but somewhere inside of me I heard my own voice say, "Use a meteor. Save the smoke."  He was describing his thought process as he was being stalked by an injured bear in the middle of nowhere, trying to figure out how to use the limited tools he had to escape his unfortunate situation. He had, against his own good judgment, left behind a gun he normally took with him on his sojourns.  

 

I loved this paragraph in the book because I believe writers and artists learn to listen to that voice.  

 

Earlier today, while I was standing in the kitchen on the edge of the abyss, fighting off an imaginary injured bear, I had a moment of clarity, heard that voice and I knew what to do. Sit down and write. Take a break. Read a little. Nap a little. Watch an episode of Sons of Anarchy. Go outside and pick up dog poop. Make chili. Listen to that webinar I missed last week. Make a week's worth of lunches. Stop looking at the clock.  I don't feel so paralyzed by it now.  Thank goodness.

 

Do you suffer from weekend anxiety?

 

love, susan

 

I Will Be Your Witness

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."  ~ Mrs. Clark to Mr. Clark from the movie Shall We Dance

Every year around this time, I stare at the calendar and I swear there is something I am supposed to remember. Is it somebody's birthday? Does one of us have a doctor's appointment?  Was I supposed to line up a dog sitter for a weekend getaway? 

WHAT IS IT?

Oh geez, it's our anniversary. How could I forget, again? This year, I had to go to the files and look at our marriage certificate to get the date right. It was one week later than I thought it was. Whew, I haven't totally lost it yet.  I had the right month. 

AM I AWFUL?

Let me tell you something. Since long before the day we stood on the banks of the Colorado River in Laughlin, Nevada, saying our 3 minute vows before a woman and the witness we hired the previous day, I already knew I had hopped onto a runaway train. It was rolling fast down a fun route I had never taken before, and stopping to tidy up the legal part of it was like a quick stop on the milk run of my life! (Check that off the "to do" list.) That day was much like the day before and very smiliar to the 4,015 days since then. Fun, exciting, carefree, joyous, and full of laughter. Getting married to my best friend was, for lack of a better word: awesome, but it was not the best part of that particular day. That, my friends, is a whole 'nother story. 
 

We laughed about it again this year. It has become an annual joke now for 11 years; us trying to remember this elusive date. I should add it to my his smart phone calendar this year. Or not. It does not matter. I'm married to a once-in-a-lifetime dance partner who gets it. (You should watch "Shall We Dance"!)  He gets it that the date and time  we became each other's witnesses was one of literally hundreds of thousands of fine moments in our relationship; and, although it may be Hallmark to remember, there are so many more to be celebrated. So I celebrate every day ... being witness to another person's life and my own.  

 

How about you?  Have you ever forgotten an important date?  Did you laugh about it? Did you send a card later?  Were you in the doghouse? Have you ever been on a runaway train? Do you celebrate an anniversary? Do you love to dance?  Have you ever been to Laughlin, Nevada?  Have you ever seen "Shall We Dance"?   Do you have  a witness?  Are you a witness?  Tell me!

 

love, susan

 

 

2015 ~ CREATE

Here we go! A change in gear for me as the new year starts today. I like it. For some, it may be just another day but for me it is a starting point for trying on new ideas and thinking in a slightly different way.

 

This is my fourth year of reflecting and choosing a theme word for the new year. My previous words have been FOCUS, MINIMIZE and most recently DEVELOP. 

 

While thinking about what I'd like to accomplish in 2015, the other words that came to mind were read, write and photograph. I didn't want to choose just one so I wondered what action word I could adopt that would encompass all three?

 

CREATE: to cause (something) to happen

as a result of one's actions.

• Make time for reading. I want to read 52 books this year and write short reviews on each one. A lofty goal.
• Continue writing my memoir and take a writing course or two.
• Keep stretching in my photography skills. I have a lot to learn and there are so many resources to choose from.
• Try new recipes

I mentioned earlier my previous action words have served me well. I've learned to focus on the tasks at hand, minimizing the things I can remove from my life that clutter it up, whether it is material junk or time-sucks. Developing new habits will remain a constant in my plan to create the time and space I need to read, write and photograph.

That, my friends, is how it's done. I'm excited about my future. Got ideas? Leave me a comment, I'd love to hear from you!

love, susan



Be Prepared ~ An Educational Rant

I haven't ranted in a long time. I don't like to be negative so I've decided I'll call this post educational although I'll be clear that I am writing about one of my biggest pet peeves ~ unpreparedness.

 

I work at a front desk in a public service job and have been doing this work my entire working career of 30+ years. I feel qualified to speak out on this matter. So listen up!

 

I'll go out on a limb and give the general public a slight pass for being unprepared when they call or walk into an office of any kind where they are unfamiliar but I am left wondering every single work day where polite office manners were dropped from high school and college teaching for professionals. I'm guessing it has a lot to do with various business practices and the fact that I am old school. 

 

Identify who you are and what you are calling about, whether you are on the phone or at a front desk. Seriously.  If you are an attorney, doctor, accountant, detective, having spent at least 6 years of your life in college or in a profession, be proud! If you are uncomfortable knowing what to say, here is a template to start with:  "Hello, this is attorney/doctor/detective/accountant John Smith, calling for Mr. Jones, regarding the Johnson case".  Don't make me drag all that information out of you. You are wasting your time and mine.  Please. How hard can this be?  I know it is a generational thing because older professionals are not who I'm writing about here. This template is also good for when you just show up, unannounced with no appointment.  Don't make me say, "are you an attorney/doctor/detective/accountant"?  It's embarrassing for me. Perhaps I should know you but often times I've only met you once or twice. I do my best to remember people but when I am answering 100's of calls and greeting 100's of people, I hate to break this to you, but you are not the center of my universe.  Additionally, it shows poor etiquette on your part when you make me drag it out of you.

 

Have your information and pen ready so I can direct you as quickly as possible. On a daily basis, I talk to no less than 100 people whether on the phone and/or in-person. I can't tell you how many times people call for information and don't have a pen and paper ready to write it down. This is a bigger pet peeve for me than the identification peeve. When you call a business office, think about what it is you are trying to accomplish and keep a pen and paper handy. Receptionists everywhere will love you for it.

 

Don't talk and drive, we can't hear you on the phone and it's against the law in Washington.

Breaking it down:

Do:

• Identify yourself and your reason for calling (be brief)
• Have a pen and paper ready to document information
• Speak clearly and slowly into the phone
• Say please and thank you
• Tell us if you simply don't have any information. We're trained to ask you the right questions to get you where you want to be. Let us help you.

Don't:

• Don't assume the office you are calling knows who you are. It's okay to identify yourself each and every time you call. We love that!
• Don't make us drag every single bit of information out of you, be prepared.
• Don't call from the road. We can't hear you and it's dangerous for you and the public.

I hope this rant has been helpful and not snarky. If I am wrong here with any of my rant or you have something to add, please leave me a comment. I'd truly love to hear from you!

love, susan

A Year (2014) in Review

The end of year is sneaking up on me fast. It always does. First of all, I want to once again say thank you to a guy whose blog, The Art of NonConformity I've been following for a long time. He created a movement that is making a difference in the world. He is the reason I started reviewing my year and focusing on the next. Thank you, Chris Guillebeau!

Last year I chose develop as my word for resolution. In previous years I chose minimize and focus. This, in lieu of a resolution, is a concept that has served me well. I have developed in key areas I focused on and am pleased with the results.

Develop Friendships: Last year I kept up friendships with a few special people. Meeting for coffee, long photo walks, talking on the phone, thrift shopping, meeting for dinner and simply keeping in touch. My life is full with a high-maintenance husband,  3 dogs, 1 cat and a full time job. My friendships are like the sand that fills in between the rocks in a jar that appears it's too full to contain anything else. I love my friends!

Develop Better Eating Habits: This is a constant battle for me. Meal planning on Sundays and  creating a system for freezing lunches that include vegetables has increased extra time in the morning to use in better ways.  Pre-measuring and containing food has helped with portion control.

Develop a Reading & Writing Schedule:  I can do better in this area. It is a guilty pleasure that, like a lot of other things in my life, I can really binge on and then I don't get anything else done. That's not a bad thing. I need to continue paring down the things I don't want to do to replace with activities I enjoy. I've filled an entire journal with "morning pages". This is a huge accomplishment for me.

Develop a Cleaner Home: I hired a domestic goddess to help me keep my house in order. Best decision I made last year! I've worked hard to get things picked up off the floor so when she arrives (twice a month) it makes her job easier. I hate clutter and yet I'm still living in it. It's a work in progress and I'm not done yet. My new rule to live by when shopping for clothes:  If I don't love it, I don't buy it.  I also have started taking questionable items in my closet and placing them to the forefront. If the item isn't worn that week, in other words if I avoid wearing it, it gets dropped into the goodwill box on Friday. Why hang on to stuff I don't wear?  This is a very difficult process for me but I'm getting better at it every day.

Develop Photo Walking List:  Several walks last year with select friends helped form an idea for keeping a list. Photo walking is very personal to me and I've noted that it is not everyone's cup of tea. I have a great friend who loves going as much as I do and we accomplished several walks this year. We drove to Walla Walla in October to a great old cemetery.

I've been thinking about what I want to work on next year and I am torn. So many words come to mind:  READ, WRITE, PHOTOGRAPH.  Yesterday it came to me that what I really want to do is create.  That's it!  2015 will be the year of creating.  I can hardly wait!

How about you? How was your year? Did you have a theme word? How did it work out for you?  Do you have a goal for 2015?  Tell me!!!!

love, susan

#AnnualReview

Things I Learned on 12 13 14

Yesterday was a great day. I received texts from two friends who wanted pictures taken. I said yes. And, then schedules promptly collided. They both asked for 11:00am. What to do?

I learned a lot from my experience yesterday and if even one 'take away' helps you somehow, my mission here is accomplished.

 

*************************************

 

Don't overbook. I ended up with two shoots yesterday, back to back. It all worked out but it could have been a disaster. Sometimes it just can't be helped and I made the best of it.

Kids.  When kids are involved, time must remain fluid.  I learned I had better be flexible. Ask your client what part of the day is best for their child and respect that. Look for the moment when the child is done with you. Don't push your luck. I always want to leave on a good note so hopefully I'll be invited again.

Patience. It's one of my best virtues, if I may say so myself. Whether working with kids or difficult adults, patience is a tool that will serve you well in all situations. I'm not just talking photography here.

Listen and Watch Body Language. Don't intrude into other peoples' (even small children) space if it makes them uncomfortable. Yesterday, I watched a 22 month old little person get comfortable with me when I sat on the floor and got down to her level. This works with dogs, too. Be mindful of this, always.  

Ask.  I realized yesterday one of my shortcomings is asking  people what they want. I know what I want when I'm snapping images. I'm always looking for what my husband calls "the money shot".  I'm beginning to understand that it is different for everyone. See the look on this little boy's face? I shouted for joy when it popped up on my screen.  This session was a maternity shoot and while I got nice pics of the family, this one is my fave. I wish I was better with editing to take the shadow from mama's face. It would truly be my "money shot" for the day! My first shoot mentioned while I was working that she was looking for an image she could use on a Christmas card. I took 128 images and narrowed it down to about 30. I can only hope she finds one that is exactly what she is looking for. Note to self:  ask what they want!

Location. This is something I need to learn to talk about right up front with people, before we set a time. I prefer to work with natural light and have yet to pop my flash on anyone. I love to shoot anywhere people are most comfortable and for a majority, it's home. With kids, I don't think you can go wrong at the park. There are many places to choose from around here and today I will start a file so that when people ask, I'll have choices.

What to wear. Last year I did a shoot where the guy showed up with a big grease stain on his shirt. I'm not that great of an editor and I left it in the pics and chalked it up to experience. Another time, I had a woman lean up against a tree and it left bark on her sweater.  Oops!  Yesterday, everyone had great coordination but not because of me. I'll be adding it to my list of what to talk about when setting up a shoot. Color coordination. 

Know when to stop. I never know exactly how many images I'll shoot when I go out. I tell people that we can usually get good images in 20 to 30 minutes. I don't wear a watch but I have an innate sense of time and I have a 6th sense about people and when they are tired of smiling. If I get 20 great images out of 100 snaps, I'm super happy.  Knowing when to stop when I get home and start editing is what I need to work on. It can take me 2+ hours to edit a 20 minute shoot.

Enjoy what you do. This applies to photography, writing, washing the dishes, or whatever it is I am doing right now. Be present.  Put the phone away. Chisel out the time I need to enjoy the here and now.

 

I write this today because I was so jazzed up last night after doing what I really love to do that I could hardly contain it and I don't want to forget the things I need to do to improve and make my hobby more enjoyable. I wish I could take people pictures every weekend but the reality is that I might start thinking of it as a job rather than a hobby I enjoy so much.

 

If anything I've written here has been helpful, or you have tips you can share with me, I'd truly love to hear from you.  Leave me a comment and I promise I'll read it!

 

love, susan

Susan on a Pink Cloud

I can't believe it's December and I'm  on a pink cloud. I spent half of Sunday preparing frozen meals for my lunches for the month. It made me so happy to do that and as it turns out, I'll be eating out three times this week.  Shhhh. Don't tell my husband. It makes him cringe.

 

It is super important for me to have plans this time of year. If you have suffered through my past whining about having seasonal affective disorder, my deepest apologies. This post is not about depression.

 

There are so many things happening this week, I hope I can manage to squeeze it all in and contain my excitement: 

• tentative plans for an engagement photo shoot (can I tell you how thrilled I am about this possibility?)
• chicken pho with a co-worker today
• luncheon/baby shower tomorrow at work. I know, I KNOW, I've told you before how much I dislike baby showers, but it has been promised there will be no silly games and the expecting mother wishes only for diapers and books
• dinner tomorrow night to celebrate birthdays
• lunch on Friday with girlfriends
• annual potluck on Saturday with about 200 like-minded friends

 

Future plans:

• signed up for an awesome online workshop with Jacob Norby to learn how to Burn the Leash
• looking forward to seeing our grandkids this month
• a possible trip to the beach
• making time to look at my 5-year plan for retirement

OH MY GAWD ... I can hardly wait!  If that isn't enough, I was talking with a good friend last night who just purchased a Nikon D3300. She is moving up from taking pics on her cell phone. I went to bed dreaming about all the places I'll take her on photo walks. Love that!

 

Got winter blues?  Make some plans. It's a plan that works!  And, leave me a comment and let me know what kind of plans you have ... that's where ideas live!

 

love, susan

 

 

101 Words

I snagged this photo at my aunt & uncle's 50th wedding anniversary party last summer. I forgot I was the flower girl in their wedding. I was 5.   Some days I just want time to stand still.  Every day I wake up and feel like I don't have a moment to waste. Tick tock.    Yesterday a friend said goodbye to her mother. She died at 5:00pm, Colorado time. Helen was a mother, an artist and one of the many good people of this world. She lived a long life and left good people in her wake.  

That’s what I want.

Love You

“With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.
”  -- Jarod Kintz

Do Nothing

Hang on.  Or let go.

Thank you to my friend "T" for giving me a topic to write about this morning. I've been feeling brain dead the last couple of weeks. I know there are ideas somewhere in my mind but lately I 've been working so hard that all I am doing is simply surviving. It's a temporary situation, thankfully.

 

"T" is not my only friend who is struggling with decisions. When I look around me, there are decisions taking place about gut wrenching, real-life stuff and it has affected my heart space. Tears have been shed for my friends. Major medical issues, relationships, plumbing problems, employment difficulties. You name it, my friends are experiencing it.  On Sunday I had a real breakthrough when I realized that I've been where all my friends are right now, in those awful transitional places that are hard, super hard and seem like the most horrible situations for them. I've been struggling and feeling their pain and the truth is that its all about the growing pains. Theirs and mine.

 

I've had all the above mentioned situations and then some. I often wonder when the other shoe is going to drop now because my life has been on smooth for so long. One thing I know for sure, it will drop. How I handle it is different than how I used to handle crisis.

 

G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things

 I cannot change, the courage to change the things

 I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 

 

I like this prayer. I use it often as a filter for things going on in my life that are out of control or where I need clarification for what to do next. Sometimes, doing nothing is the action I need to take.

 

I'm going to leave it at that for now. Think about it.  Have you ever just done nothing, slept on it, decided to not decide, etc.?

 

love, susan

Joy Meter = Overload

Today was filled with unexpected surprises right out of the gate.  I got up at my usual work time, even though it was a day off for me, and decided to get dressed and take a quick trip to town to see if I could get a good sunrise photo. It was wicked cold and three shots was all I could stand in the freezing wind.  After a cup of coffee with some like-minded friends, I went home to make breakfast for my sweetheart. He loves the attention and I love crispy hash browns. Win/Win. I decided to make a loaf of orange cranberry bread just to stay on his good side before we took off for a doctor's appointment.

 

It was the first time I've been to a dermatologist in a long time. Hubby said I'd like him. That would be an understatement. I'd invite him over for dinner in a heartbeat. Great guy. His nurse was equally friendly and I discovered by listening to her that she is a weekend photographer and has taken her skills to the next level by starting a side business. She gave me some great tips and I found her business page on FB. She offered to help with any questions I might have and I'm hoping she'll be a good resource for learning more about my camera.  As it turns out, I need to have two procedures done so I'll be visiting the good doctor and his nurse again soon.

 

Then, I got to see my fantastic hair designer later in the afternoon. She recently moved to another shop and we had some catching up to do. I love that woman. Not only is she a talented colorist, she is one of the kindest people I know in the Tricities. 

 

So, meeting with three wonderful people in one day put my joy meter on overload. I've tried all day to not think about having to go back to work for the next three days but there is no avoiding it. Such is life.

 

How about you.  Did you meet any wonderful doctors and nurses today? Get your hair cut?  Stand in the biting wind?

 

love, susan